University is no place for creativity.

I am currently sat in the library procrastinating, something that has become quite a speciality of mine.

Its a habit that over the next few hours I am going to have to kick. I have so much to do and yet my brain hasn't seemed to notice. No matter how many to-do lists I stick around and no matter how many deadlines I scare myself with I just can't seem to gather together the necessary brain cells required to carry out the simplest of tasks.

I remember a time, long before University when I used to just sit at a computer for hours and just write. Whatever came into my head, articles, stories even scripts sometimes. This creative flair that I have always prided myself on has just gone.

It was my 'thing'. I could just knock out an amazing stories, bring my mother to tears with my powerful and beautiful words and I relished that. The way it was possible to make someone feel something so strongly with words and images that have come purely and organically from my own head. I then made the fatal decision to come to University.

I thought that getting a degree would give me some kind of recognition, that this talent that I had was somehow worthless to the world without a piece of paper that said 'YES, Emma-Jane Allen can write things that people will want to read.'

I have since found that University has done entirely the opposite. Instead of opening up a world that I was longing to enter, instead of enabling me to make a career out of what I see as my only true talent, it has made me really dislike it.

Its stripped all the passion and creativity I had and replaced it with resent and referencing. Over the past 2 and a half years I have slowly but surely given up on any dreams I had of becoming a successful writer, I have been crushed by assignment after assignment in which I have had little to no opportunity to display my creative skill. These assignments have, in turn taken up so much of my time that any extra curricular work that I might have produced has been squashed to one side.

I did know before I started university that it would be hard work and I'm not a person who is afraid of hard work. I was fully prepared to be staying up all night writing assignments and making them just right. What I wasn't prepared for however was the lack of creativity in an institute that apparently prides itself on extracting the full potential of all its students.

I also don't want you to think that this is simply a product of a girl who is failing because I'm not, in fact, I'm doing really rather well just not in the way I really wanted to be.

This is why I am now totally convinced that University is the worst route to take if you're interested in the creative industry. If you have a talent, a real talent, then work at it. Build your portfolio, send your work out to industry professionals and don't listen to the people that will tell you that you'll never get a decent job without a degree because if you work hard enough and you have a talent then there truly is no qualification on this planet that could give you better tools than you already have...your own creative brain.

I am slightly bitter, but only because it's taken me this long and thousands of £'s of debt to realise what was pretty obvious to begin with.

With this in mind I will definitely be writing more, forcing myself to produce more content for this sorry excuse for a blog. There will be many more litres of Cherry Coke consumed and many many more packets of extra strong mints devoured, my dentist won't be pleased but my brain will and when all is said and done, who really needs teeth? Look out...

After a long day of working retail...

I work in retail.

With every passing shift It becomes clearer and clearer how much I don't want to be there.

It's not the hard work, I am no stranger to hard work. It's not the pay, I'm actually paid pretty well. It's the fact that I can't be in the slightest bit creative.

Over the past, probably 5 years I have managed to focus my life in the direction I want it to go. That direction is towards creativity and in turn happiness. I realised today that this is the last piece of my life that isn't focused towards my own happiness and own talents and that's why it makes me so discouraged. Sadly however, at the moment, one simply couldn't be without the other. Unless I wanted to be a dustbin dweller then it would be entirely plausible but otherwise no.

As my mood sinks however my motivation rises and my determination has never been so powerful.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm currently stuck in a bit of a loop but it's only temporary. I'm very much at the beginning of a journey which I sincerely hope will end in much much happiness and lots and lots of creativity.

Tuesday 24th April: The Day I realised why I am here.

This morning I was lucky enough to receive a talk from Nick Booth. I was previously unaware of his work but have since found that he has done some amazing things around Journalism and Social Media.

He asked us why we were here and to begin with I just couldn't answer. The only thing that came to mind was 'errr....I like to write,' but when I really started to think about it I really remembered why I had bothered to begin my degree at all.

From the beginning of my academic career I have been pushed towards academia. I was very skilled and very hardworking and would push myself to the end of the earth for an A but until later I realised this was simply my desire to succeed. I didn't enjoy these subjects, far from it but I couldn't fail. My heart and mind simply wouldn't let me.

I have always been an avid observer of the news in all its forms. From a very young age I have concerned myself with the inner workings of far flung countries and governments and truly felt my brain was a sponge. I simply can't take the feeling of not knowing what someone is discussing. I'm nosy and I like to talk to people, lack of knowledge gets in the way of that love and thats always been something that I haven't been able to handle.

I made it my business to become a sort of oracle at school. From a very young age within my family I have been known as the family encyclopaedia, always ready to explain and add to interesting conversation.

I also loved to write, I have folders full of poems, stories and reports. I am dyslexic so I have always struggled with maintaining concentration long enough to read a book. I need the information at such a rate that only an article would do. It wasn't until I left secondary school, and entered what at the time felt like 'the big bad world,' (how naive I was) that I actually realised I could do this as a job.

It hadn't dawned on me before but as though I was having some kind of spiritual enlightenment I suddenly realised, What if I were to make this into a job? My two biggest interests, writing and knowing everything about what is happening all over the place, or as it is commonly known Journalism.

Over the next year at college I found a course at Birmingham City University that I loved. I knew if I had any hope of making this fantasy career an actual reality I had to know the industry inside out and this was the first obvious way of doing that. I worked hard for 2 years with this course in mind, and in May 2010 I gained my place.

At 21 I'm obviously not mature, I'm in no way a seasoned professional but I would like to think I've grown over the last 2 years (since beginning my degree) and I now know how to answer Nick Booth's question.

Why is Emma Allen here?

I want to make people care about the news.
I want to make people who don't pick up the paper or watch the news care about what is happening in the world.
News has become rather unaccessible for a large portion of the community, all the jargon and gibberish is intimidating and if it wasn't there then maybe people would take the time to understand whats happening in the America Elections? or who President Sarkozy is? or whats happening in our own government?

A scary amount of people don't even know who our Prime Minister is and this needs to change.

The 'disillusioned youth' of last summers riots might have been a little less eager to destroy this country if they understood the reasons we're in a recession, why unemployment is so high and if they took the time to know whats happening in there community.

I'd like to think so anyway.

So...I've decided what my final year project will be and realised it was years in the making all in one day and all because of one discussion.

Multichannel yourself.

Ok, so I have just about every single social network that you could possibly imagine and yet, my thirst still remains to be un-quenched.

I have had a youtube channel for about a million years but I have never actually posted anything.

To begin with I hated the sound of my own voice, my yam yam accent is quite disgusting. Moreover, growing up in a Catholic household I was always taught to be seen and not heard and I think this has genuinely stuck with me. I've always been tentative when it comes to showing off, being exuberant or loud. I have gotten to a point in my life however that I'm just thinking 'sod it.'

SOOOOOOOOOO...I have began the process of building a radio show. Me and my good friend Amanda Johansson are hilarious and we feel we should share this with the world.

I am also making a resolution to work on my youtube, I have no choice but to keep up with my blog and to slowly but surely take over the world.

I will obviously be checking back in the coming months and letting you know how this world domination is going. I'm PRETTY SURE I WON'T but don't worry, I won't forget you when I'm fay-mousse.

What representations of femininity does Cbeebies "Charlie and Lola" offer and what issues does this raise?

Just came up with this exciting research question for an assignment I have coming up.

Although I'm not particularly looking forward to sitting through hours of children's programming I am looking forward to investigating this topic as, for those social scientists amongst you will know, representations is where its at.

Will keep you updated on how things progress but for now I'd better return to 'reading around my subject'. Hurrarr.

Recent Shoot.

These are the VERY raw, out of camera photos but I love the dusky light, the different textures and the addition of my little cat. All in all I'm really happy with the way they came out. I hope you like them to.

How do we begin? - A Successful Media Career.

Its a question that I often ask myself, when I leave the confines of my university and get thrown, cruelly into the real world, how will I manage?

Who will employ me? What will make me different to anyone else? How will I afford to eat?

Well, luckily my university (Birmingham City University) are very conscious of how scary this time is and my professional development is eternally grateful.

Within such a competitive and fast paced industry its easy to get lost and fade into the background. Over the last few years I've realised if I have any desire to further my career then I really need to step up my game as far as journalism goes.

My three year plan...

6 months

• Apply for Work placements and hopefully secure at least 2.
• Continue to update social networking sites such as twitter, blogspot, Facebook, linkedin. etc. 
• Attempt to write a new blog everyday.

1 year

• Obtain more work placements.
• GET MYSELF OUT THERE!!! Get my name known. 
• Send emails to prospective employers requesting work placements.
• Progress with blog, blogging as much as possible.

3 years

• Will have finished university, find an industry job!
• Continue to keep my media profile up.
• Work my way up the media ladder.
• Aim for the dream job!

I really think its vital to make plans such as this because when you have something real that you can aim for it makes it a lot easier to get your head down and work hard. 

Although its terribly scary I will not let it set me back, I've wanted to work within the media industry since I was a child and a little thing like a recession isn't going to stop me!